Boogsey Music

I am thinking of you in my sleepless solitude tonight
If it’s wrong to love you then my heart just won’t let me be right
Cause I’m drowned in you and I won’t pull through without you by my side

I’d give my all to have just one more night with you
I’d risk my life to feel your body next to mine
–Mariah Carey’s “My All”

I was browsing iTunes the other day and decided I wanted to download some music.  I was in the mood for some heart-wrenching ballads and the song “My All” from Mariah Carey was playing over and over again in my head.  This particular tune was already loaded on my iPod Touch, so I went searching for more ballads/love songs by Mariah.  I downloaded “Vision of Love,” “The Roof,” and “Love Takes Time.” I played them for a while but listening mostly to “My All.”  In fact, I played that song like a broken record—I set it to loop, finally falling to sleep and ultimately dreaming of a lost love I knew.

The next morning I awoke with the deliberate intention of finding the perfect love song (well, perfect for me), and Bryan Adams “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?” screamed, “Download me next!”  I purchased it and immediately added it to my catalog of songs.  As I listened to the words, I was enraptured.

To really love a woman, to understand her, you gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought, see every dream, and give her wings when she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms…
You know you really love a woman

After listening to this song all the way through for the first time in years, it was like I had heard it for the very first time.  The words spoke to me almost as if the lyricist knew me personally.  I have always believed that true love goes much deeper than infatuation, mutual admiration, or even how the other person makes me feel.  I have always believed that love even transcends being there through the hard times, surpassing carnal desire.

I polled a few people and here is what they had to say about love.

1.  “When you’d rather die than have that person gone from your life.”  By the way, it took some prodding to get that out of this grown man.  He kept regurgitating what he’d been told as a child what love’s definition should be.  For example, accepting your object of desire unconditionally . . . I don’t know of any human who has ever accomplished that task.  My dog Megan, Definitely!

2.  Nicole, a teenager gives her definition.  “When they’re away you just can’t stand it and you just can’t function without them.  You want to be near them every second of the day!”

3.  Ted, a male in his early 60s had so much to say about love. “Amor vincet omnia or love conquers all, written by the Latin poet Virgil.  ‘There is nothing greater or stronger than love.’  What is love?  An unconditional emotion that is self-sustaining and continues to grow like a fruit tree—if you pick a piece, two more grow in its place.  It’s hard to define, but you know it when you feel it.  But there is a difference with ‘love’ and being ‘in love’.  Being in love is a feeling of positive need when you’re constantly seeking to be with your love object.  Your strongest love doesn’t need each other to make each other whole but they’re replicable in each other.  Love is sustaining.  It doesn’t whither and it doesn’t fade.”

My definition of love is when you take risks on my behalf and I don’t mean stepping out in front of a moving train or jumping in front of a bullet.  I’m talking about real risks like exposing your vulnerabilities and forgetting yourself to really connect with that other person—that means listening, talking openly, letting yourself be free in love, giving and taking, forcing the other person to feel and open up too; even fighting back if the occasion calls for it.  Ha, and even showing your rotten side occasionally without the fear of being rejected or even worse, dumped!  No holding back.

-Verse 2 “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?”

To really love a woman let her hold ‘ya till you know how she needs to be touched
You gotta breathe her, really taste her, till you can feel her in your blood
When you can see your unborn children in her eyes…
You know you really love a woman

Why did I pick this particular song?  The lyrics were key but the opening is what really caught my attention.  Classical and flamenco guitar was heavily flavored in this arrangement.  Those are some sexy instruments!  My pores stayed open throughout the entire song, which also featured Latin percussion, another sexy instrument.  The hook’s rhythm picked up tremendously without ever losing the groove.  My heart pulsated in sync with the tempo and my temperature elevated significantly.  Guys listen closely.  If you’re trying to put her in the right mood, consider all of the above when picking your playlist for that romantic evening.  I guess it’s no surprise that “Have you Ever Really Loved a Woman?” is from the sound track of Don Juan DeMarco—Don Juan being a consummate seducer.  Yep it should work every time (seducing her I mean).  This song does the trick.

I am aware that there are thousands of love songs.  And each individual person has his or her own special song.  Why do brides choose “At Last?”  Because it speaks to them about a journey of finally finding long lasting love.  And whether the lyrics are obvious or abstract, our senses are heightened when we hear them sung.  As a songwriter it’s important to understand what goes into writing and producing a really good ballad—one that actually moves people.  The words are everything and that is where I always start.  I remember when I first fell in love.  I couldn’t breathe unless I was with him.  I took emotional risks, said that four-letter word (L-O-V-E) often and couldn’t help but make gaga eyes.  Every decision I made was for his benefit.  I became selfless and I lost myself in him.  I put him first.  I worried about him and I thought of him day and night.  Our kisses were electric and I lived to just hold his hand.  And when he smiled at me or made any gesture of affection toward me I melted.  And when I lost my first love it cut right through me like a serrated knife.  The pain was unbearable and it took a really long time to get over the loss.  Nothing helped but a song.

When I was happy in love, there was nothing I wanted to hear except a good love song.  And those songs about love lost got me through those breakups every single time.  I would hear something in the lyrics or the chord progression.  Some word or execution of a phrase always took me back and would help me to move on.

A really good love song has served as my therapist.  A really good love song has calmed my inner beast.  A really good love song has forced my stubborn, trapped behind-the-wall emotions.  It has made me feel, made me cry, comforted me, and soothed me.  A really good love song neither discriminates nor reprimands.  A really good love song is my only friend in times of need when nobody else could, would, or should ever understand.  When my feelings are private, sometimes the only confidante can only be . . .  a really good love song!

Sample my own love songs:
“Do You Remember?”
“My Only Crime“